Sunday, November 8, 2015

Meet Virginia, Book One: A Southern Series, Chapter one

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I have always been strong, no signs of weakness….
I always knew who I was and what I wanted….
I have always been ignored, put aside by family and now by love….

I always knew at some point my childhood insecurities would creep in and knock me down….
I always knew love wasn’t for me…
I have ignored my past long enough….
I always fight for me….
I have always been my own hero…
I have had enough…….

I am Virginia Costello, and this is my story….


Some things need to fall apart,
Only so they can fall back together

Chapter ~ 1   How Did It Come To This?          


            I wake to the now familiar sound of the door lock clicking behind Eli as he left. I roll over, running my hand over the still-warm spot where his body had been just minutes ago. I stretch my arms above my head and stare at the ceiling. I know that I have to stop this pattern, this mentally; emotionally fucked up cycle I have fallen into and can’t seem to claw my way out of. There is a first for everything I suppose. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.
     I was supposed to make this arrangement work out in my favor, not his. What the fuck has happened to me? I feel as if I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore. Another first.

     I slide out of bed, my legs still a little wobbly from my night of sexcapades with my ex. Eli and I have been broken up for nearly a year now. It can’t just be the sex that keeps us coming back to each other? On the other hand, can it? He isn’t the best sex I have had by far, but he is the first guy I have been completely in love with. I frown at this thought. Am I emotionally still attached as much as I think I’m not? I am so messed up right now.  
     I really need a break from the bullshit. This trip to Virginia is just what I need right now, I hope. I need to understand why I am the way I am with intimate relationships. I’m not comfortable with love. If I am pushed aside, I make decisions based on deep-seeded emotions and issues that are attached to how I was treated while being raised. Ignored, unimportant and irrelevant. I have cracks in my foundation, and those cracks need a fucking band-aid.
     Making my way down the hall to where my girls are sitting patiently by the door, waiting for me to let them out to do their morning thing. Checking to make sure Eli had closed the gate behind him. No time today to have a dog chase on my hands.
     I conduct my somewhat typical morning routine, opening the plantation shutters, gathering the half-empty fifth of Jack along with the heavy lead crystal Baccarat old fashion glasses. Eli and I purchased the glasses together as a house warming/moving in together present the day after Eli, and his crew had finished the year-long remodel of my house. That was five years ago; Eli hasn’t lived here for a year or so, still seems like yesterday.

     The day I met Eli Heley will be burned into soul forever. He was the third and final guy I met with to go over the plans I had drawn up for the remodel. I knew instantly he was going to be my general contractor for my much-anticipated house gut. I waited three long year’s saving the money.
     Was it his laidback, quiet charisma that drew me to him? Maybe it was the instant electricity when I shook his hand, he felt it too, and we had long conversations about those early days after we met. How we flirted for the first six months of construction. The first and only time in my life I got up, got ready only to hang out in dust all day. We laughed for months when he finally called me out on my bullshit. I denied it at first, what girl wouldn’t? I get a huge grin on my face remembering that conversation.

     Not in the mood for coffee this morning, I reach for the tea kettle. I lean back against the counter, noticing the small calendar posted on my fridge. There it is staring back at me, June 2007, with a small red circle around today’s date: Monday, June, fourth.
     Having never aspired to be a wife or girlfriend even until I met Eli Heley, we both wanted the same things in life, money, to travel, to be a family minus the children. THEREFORE, it should have worked out perfect and look, what that got me a broken heart and even worse a broken spirit. FUCK, he sucks!
       No, I suck for continuing to let this happen! GAH! Focus Virginia, it is over done with move on. I need to stop thinking about it…. that chapter has been closed for well over a year now. Except for the fact, we still have sex on a semi-regular basis. Hence the problem.
     My head fills with every emotion. I have to get out of Atlanta. I have to get out of this cycle once and for all. A week or two vacation just won’t cut it. I tried; only to fall right back into the emotional roller coaster I call my thoughts now. Maybe if I get back to my roots, I will be able to get a new perspective on life, if not I may lose everything I have worked extremely hard for, a reality check of sorts. I was so happy, so content before Eli, before falling in love. Why has this affected me like this? Stupid love. I musta hit my head knocking all the sense out of myself. Stupid.          

     When Did I become so weak? More importantly, HOW did I become so weak? Never again, no more love or relationship bullshit for me. Period. Once has been quite enough. I will stick to the one-nighters or the guys I can stand for more than a week. Only if they keep my interest, that is what I know, and that has always worked in the past. Love is like a fucking bad disease. Something I will never catch again. I lean over, grabbing a pen along with my list, change locks, circling it in red ink as the kettle finally whistles.
     Two hours later I am face to face with Jasper, along with an unexpected flash in my face, followed by the sound all eighties kids remember so well… a Polaroid camera. “What the hell?”
     Jasper lets out a giggle, “Cheese, nice to see you too.” Jasper states as he pushes past me down the hall into the main living space. “It’s my newest toy, a Polaroid, retro cool, huh? I tell you… one day I will have a gallery dedicated entirely to my photos and office space in the back for my event planning.”

     My eyes take a minute to adjust from the flash blinding me into darkness. I’m following Jasper down the hall listening and blinking profusely trying to get my vision back. I look at Jasper, who is waving the photo around and start giggling, “Shake it like a Polaroid picture, shake, shake, shake.” We start shaking, me, I pretend I have a picture, and Jasper is in full shake mode dancing around with his Polaroid.
     Jasper and I finish shaking and wipe the tears away the tears from all the laughter of acting like idiots. I toss a sheet in Jasper’s direction, trying to make this as fun as possible by doing a goofy dance.
   Okay, you ready to help me put the sheets over the furniture….” I say mildly annoyed at Jasper’s lack of motivation or ignoring why I asked him over.
   “I just don’t understand why you need to go to Virginia? Why do you want to go someplace that makes you so miserable?” Jasper is gripping the sheet tight making sure he has my attention.
   “It’s just for the summer, maybe less giving my family history, to clear my head, re-balance you know a reality check of sorts.”
   “You mean your flight response is kicking in again,” Jasper says barely above a whisper.

         I stop dancing around again; take a deep breath looking at one of my most favorite people, Jasper Deidre, Event Planner Extraordinaire. Remarkably handsome blonde-haired blue-eyed six foot three and impeccably dressed at all times with incredible taste in everything, who loves a good evening of gossip
     “Jasper…I just need some time; this last year has been the absolute worst year of my life, besides… my brother could use some help with the bar. I am sick of fighting with myself. The magazine thinks it would be a good pitch for me, “Country Girl /City Girl / Country Girl.” Intentionally leaving out the part where the magazine left me without another choice, but to get out of Atlanta for a little while, lay low. Given my history for the last nine months or so, probably not such a bad idea. I need a brain break, emotional disengagement from what my life has nose-dived into here lately.
     “I really need to get away from Eli stop this vicious cycle I’ve falling into and continue to do only to feel like shit the next day.” I say looking at my friend who is most likely a little on the worried side or maybe his Botox is wearing off a bit, hard to tell.
     “However, what am I supposed to do this summer without you? Who will be my date for the Screen on the Green? The movie line-up is especially good this year. Besides that, why can’t you just tell him no? I wish you would learn to find a balance between fleeing and the fighting.” Jasper asks his closest friend. I know he is wondering what happened to his strong and normally stable friend, secretly wanting me back but would never say so because that would make him a bad friend or worse judgmental. 
     I know now Jasper must have seen Eli’s truck this morning most likely all of the predawn mornings he has snuck out of my house. Damn busted again I think to myself. “Well, you and Ian should take a vacation, like a typical couple for starters. And we don’t even watch the movies, we walk around and socialize until we start sweating then go to Park Tavern to have dinner and drinks till the movie let’s out.” I say smiling. Calling him out on his comment.
     Jasper and his partner Ian have been together for over twelve years’ and my friends and next-door neighbor for the last seven. They remind me of an old married couple, the kind of couple you want to be part of loving, nurturing, and all-around support system.
   “And you could keep Belle company,” I say giving Jasper a huge cheesy grin.
   Oh, thanks!” Jasper says as he throws his hands in the air with more drama than necessary. “Bellevue Crane the crankiest women on earth!”
   “Oh come on Jasper, she’s not cranky just ahh... challenging, we would be major cranky asses if we were eighty years old. Now are you gonna help or not?” I ask jerking slightly on the sheet.
     After we get all the furniture covered, “Well, I think that’s about it.” I say to Jasper, looking around at the sheets covering my furniture. Weird I think to myself, I hope this is a right decision, decisions something I haven’t been very good at lately. “Thanks for helping me I’m gonna miss you, what’s that saying?”
     Jasper finishes it. “Distance makes the heart grow stronger or fonder, something like that?”  
     “Yeah, something like that,” I say barely above a whisper. I walk over to my favorite friend as I start tearing up, “I …”
     I give him a big hug. “Thank you, Jasper, thanks for everything you’ve done for me this last year, it’s been confusing and I feel like a bad record on repeat. I need to break this ugly cycle once and for all. You and Liezel, Piper, and the guys have really stood by me, and I appreciate you more than I could ever express in words.” I can’t seem to…I just don’t know why I get it together, get my happy back.” I say choking back tears.

     Jasper whispers in my ear, “Go, pick yourself up by your strappy heels, get it together and get back home. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just the first step. I’ll miss you. Pose, one last Polaroid before you go, fly little birdie, fly.” I pose as if I’m taking flight and Jasper snaps the instant photo. Jasper gives me a squeeze and kisses me on the top of my head “Now, I have a bridezilla on my hands that needs attending to, call me soon.”
        I stand there and shaking my head yes, wiping the escaped tears from my cheeks and watch him walk out my door, thankful to have him as my friend.

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